Perfect song to listen to while reading this
is: One last good-bye by Anathema
Title: You promised
Pairing: Jared Leto/ Colin Farrell
Rating: PG, I guess
Warning: Depressing stuff, so if you
are out of tissues, don’t read it. XD
Disclaimer: All fiction, of course. And those
cuties are still not mine. Damn.
Summary: It’s a drabble – the summary
would be longer than the story. XD
It’s from Jared’s POV
Feedback: Highly welcomed, even if only to
tell me that this story sucks.
Rain. Again. Seems like it has been raining all the time lately, although they say it never rains in southern California. Fat lie. It’s raining now and I’m sure it has for the longest time.
I don’t mind that. Matches my mood and I don’t have to watch all the cheerful and happy faces around me that seem to multiply the better the weather gets.
Everybody is grumpy and depressed these days and that suits me just fine.
Can’t stand their laughter and smiling faces, when I don’t seem to be able to stop the tears. Can’t bear happy people around me, when my world is so full of pain.
Damn, Colin, you promised! How could you break your oath so easily and leave me like that?
I know, you never wanted this relationship. Hell, neither did I. When we met, we were just friends and I so enjoyed your company and how easy working was with you. You could be a real pain in the ass and your constant smoking drove me nuts at times, but you were so much fun, too. And although it would make being angry at you so much easier, I rather recall your qualities instead of your flaws.
What I can’t recall is when or why my feelings for you changed. When I did not mind 14-hour workdays anymore as long as you were there and, on the contrary, found myself hating those 10 hours each day you weren’t with me.
Suddenly I couldn’t wait to get back on set. Some time into the shooting for Alexander your face appeared much more beautiful to me than Angelina’s, or that of any other gal for that matter. And I noticed that I had started to mess up our scene’s deliberately, so we would have to do them over again – and you would touch my face, my hair and hug me tight again and again.
Damn, I didn’t want this. It was never my intention to fall for a guy. Why did I ever allow you to invade my dreams, my thoughts … my heart? I’m easily hurt, I know that, so I use to keep my heart well protected after the one big disappointment I’ve suffered. The one time I let someone get too close. I saw no danger whatsoever from your side though and let down my guard. For bloody hell, we were just friends. I didn’t even know, I could swing that way.
Didn’t know, you did – until the one day you got so close to me. That one day your arms were around me all of a sudden. The one day your lips found mine and every other day after that was never the same as before.
We laughed it off back then. Said that was just this confusing “being lovers shit” on screen that had led to this and as soon as we were out of the silly skirts and back into our every day lives, we wouldn’t even recall that incident.
We got out of our skirts alright, but that was long before we returned to our every day lives.
How could I ever allow you to get so close? Why did I ever allow you to touch me the way you did – body and soul alike?
I didn’t want to get hurt again and you promised you wouldn’t. Though your life was commanded by fags, booze and casual fucks, you swore I would never be considered one of the latter, that things were different with me. And I believed you. You said there was more –
something honest, something deep, something immortal that would last long after Alexander had been completed.
Why, Colin? I trusted you. I relayed on you. I dared breaking down the walls around my heart and it got shattered – again.
Why doesn’t this bloody rain stop? I want to see the clouds break and the sun come out again and warm my frozen soul, but there’s a shadow over my life now. One you placed there and only you would be able to lift it and let me see the sun again. But I know, you won’t. You left me.
You damn bastard! I wish, I could hate you the way you deserve. Wish I could curse your soul to eternity, but I can’t. I still love you.
Tears fall again, although I’ve so tried to be brave. I’m tired of weeping. Tired of lying awake at nights, longing for you so achingly. Tired of having my brother hover over me like an overprotective mother hen. I appreciate his concern and I know, he loves me and will never desert me, but it’s not his love I long for. It’s not his arms I need to feel around me. I only want you, but you are gone.
Didn’t you make an oath, that our love would last for all times and that we would always be together? You repeated Alexander’s words to Hephaistion to me: You’ll never lose me – I’ll be with you always. You damn liar! Didn’t you say, you wanted to become a better man for me – as if anything was bad in you in the first place – and at least give up the booze and stay away from the blasted stuff?
Then why did you break your promise? Why did you drink that night – and drive?
I run my hands over my face to wipe away all the wetness there that is caused by the pouring rain as much as by my tears, before I bend over the white headstone and place two red roses onto the fresh grave.
You promised, Colin. Then why did you leave me?